My husband had an affair four years ago. Traumatic to say the least yet, we worked through the betrayal. But, I have a lasting affect that I cannot eliminate. And, I’m reminded daily when I look in the mirror.
My husband made the mistake of not protecting himself so got Chlamydia. We took bouts of antibiotics. Unfortunately,this triggered an autoimmune response for me. I lost my hair. It grew back, but only 40%. I look like a cancer patient. It destroyed my self-esteem, my beauty, my ability to be employed.
When I send out my resume, I get quick responses because I worked for top tier investment banking firms and for recognized CEO’s and CFO. With every job interview, I’m asked at the end, questions concerning health issues such as, “Do you have any disabilities that would prevent you from doing this job?” They note that I have no eyebrows, that I wear a wig and I’m young.
I dropped my salary in half and still cannot get a job. After sixteen interviews, I finally gave up. I know that I will never be able to enter this field again. They believe I’m hiding something that would be a liability for them but I’m not.
Now, I’m on a new journey. I decided to reinvent myself. I’m taking classes to become a realtor and in four weeks, I will be taking my State exam. I’m so afraid that I will never be hired by buyers and sellers of homes. I only wish that the world understands that I have much to offer, that being productive defines me and my beauty is within.
So, how do I truly forgive when I can’t forget an event that I’m reminded of daily when I look in the mirror?
The betrayal of an affair leaves scars. It will always leave emotional scars, but you have the sad reality of a physical “scar” that is a daily reminder. Yet, I hear in your question, hope with the empowering words you wrote about yourself when you wrote about how you have much to offer, and of your beauty that is within. You also seem to be such a fighting spirit to be looking to reinvent yourself in a new career and to not give up. I admire you and I want you to know what an inspiration you are to so many by sharing your story!
You ask how you forgive when you can’t forget? I’m sure you’ll understand where I’m coming from when I tell you that all the women out here in the world, who have had their husbands cheat on them, struggle greatly with this issue. Even those who don’t see the evidence of the affair every day when they look in the mirror, as you do, struggle. Yet, they see the evidence of the affair reflected in the sadness on their face. Maybe this sadness caused them to gain, or lose, a great deal of weight or left other lasting health effects. An affair can affect a woman’s health in many ways, but for you, those effects are seemingly permanent. What a brave warrior you are to soldier on!
There is much I could write about finding forgiveness, but the path that is right for you will have to speak to you and make sense to you. I will simply ask you (entreat you) to allow yourself the time to research and decide what you need at this point in your journey toward forgiveness. There is always professional counseling, bitch sessions with friends, support groups, prayer or meditation…the list is endless…and you need to take time out of your life to determine your path toward forgiveness. Take the small steps toward finding what speaks to you, then begin your journey toward wellness.
A betrayal such as this leaves behind a deep woundedness that, in my humble opinion, will never fully heal. You will survive, but often, the hurt will come back to you even years after you thought you had forgiven. Forgiving is one thing you have to deal with, to forget is not realistic. Yet, you can and will move forward toward personal peace and wholeness.
I invite you to call me personally to talk through the steps that make sense for you to move forward. You could help so many by being a caller on my talk radio show, and it would be a privilege for me to get to speak with you! You are so brave and strong!
Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~
• What can you do today to help you move toward forgiveness?
• Looking back, what progress have you made toward rebuilding your self-esteem and wholeness as a woman?
• What can you tell yourself about how you are brave, and strong, and empowered as a woman?
CLICK HERE to submit a Life Coaching question.
CLICK HERE to be a caller on The Joan Jerkovich Show.
Click HERE to anonymously send Joan your question!