When you’re new to a relationship, the flutter of attraction and romance can disguise the reality of the person you are dating. If you’re not paying attention to these 9 red flags, you could find yourself in a relationship with, not the person of your dreams, but the partner of your nightmares.
The first 4 red flags focus on their past, their past, their past.
1. Past history of abuse.
2. Past history of addictions.
3. Past history of cheating.
If you find out that your new love interest brought any one of these three things to their past relationships, you don’t have to look further for red flags. What you do have to do is honestly ask yourself if you are willing to be in a relationship where you will be abused, cheated on, or have to deal with their addiction.
It’s not a matter of thinking that these things “might” affect you. They “will” affect you.
The only hope for these 3 biggest red flags to turn from a big red “STOP!” sign, into a yellow “CAUTION!” sign, is if they readily accept personal responsibility and are actively working a program for change.
While abuse, addictions and cheating can weave its way through a relationship in ways that aren’t always an absolute relationship deal breaker, the 4th red flag is undeniably problematic.
4. Past history of criminal activity.
If you find out that the person you are dating has a criminal history and spent time in jail, you can assume they were guilty no matter what story they spin. That also holds true for any order of protection for stalking or domestic violence. In these instances, our legal system has done the work for you of determining this person has a serious red flag in their history.
5. They take no personal responsibility.
This person only has excuses for why they don’t have a job, and can’t keep a job or money in the bank. They take no responsibility for their past relationship breakups. Nothing is ever their fault.
6. They have poor conflict resolution skills.
Similar to not taking personal responsibility, they always blame you for the relationship problems, nothing is ever their fault, and they don’t apologize. Unless you’re ok with being a doormat in this relationship, don’t let this person wipe their dirty feet on you.
7. They are controlling.
No one has the right to tell you how to dress, who to be friends with, and when you can or can’t spend time with your family. The problem with controlling personalities is that when they don’t get their way, anger and abuse can easily follow.
8. There is mistrust in the relationship.
If your instincts are telling you that this new person in your life can’t be trusted, there may be something going on behind your back. Keep your eyes wide open so that you can clearly see the truth.
9. You catch them in lies.
You may catch them red handed in a lie, yet they will throw their 3-D’s at you; they will try to Dismiss, Deny or Discount your accusations. Lying and giving you their 3-D’s gives them a D-minus, failing grade, in relationships. You deserve better.
Your Challenge: If you have seen any of these red flags in your relationship, you owe it to yourself to not ignore them. It’s easy to get swept up in new love or a new relationship to the point of ignoring or excusing away problematic behavior. Your challenge is to understand that the best a person brings to a relationship, doesn’t excuse away their worst behaviors.
Listen to The Joan Jerkovich Show this weekend for commentary on “Relationship Red Flags” and the “Pitfalls of Denying Red Flags” in a relationship! Empowering talk radio from “Your Life Coach”!