Hope Addicted Boyfriend Will Change?
Joan Jerkovich - October 14, 2015 7:00 am
My boyfriend and I have been on and off for 7 years, and while we love each other, I’m afraid to commit to him because of his addictive behaviors.
He’s a drinker and gambler and big spender. His family history is that his Father died of an overdose and his Mother is an alcoholic.
I keep hanging on to this relationship thinking he will change, but it’s starting to wear me down mentally and physically. Why do I keep hanging on hoping for change?
My dearie, dearie, dear…let’s talk! I have a lot to say to you, and hopefully you will listen to me because it will save you tons of grief!
While I’m writing this blog after a busy day, and would be happy to make it short and sweet with a profound message that simply says (or shall I say SHOUTS!) Get Out! Dump him!! I will lend some thoughts on what may be going on here.
Let’s start by calling your relationship “ambivalent”. There is the good mixed with the bad. It’s a love/hate sort of affair. You want in one day and out the next.
I’m sure your boyfriend is charming and would be the perfect guy IF he didn’t have those nasty little habits, but girlfriend, those nasty habits he has aren’t forgetting to put the lid on the toothpaste or the toilet seat down? Right?
He has those addictive behaviors that concern you, and rightly so.
A saying that I wish were mine because I think its genius and Oh…So…True (!) is coined from Dr. Phil, “The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior”.
Even if your man has his addictions, does he recognize them, and more importantly, is he taking steps to address them? Watch closely for those hallmarks of change to see if this relationship is worth holding on to.
I have great compassion for those who struggle with addictions. It’s sad that they have a lifelong journey of bumps and pitfalls in the road, but you, my dear, have the choice to ride along through the mud and muck in the off-road vehicle…or not.
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• Does your boyfriend recognize and acknowledge his addictions?
• Is he ready to go to AA or seek the help of an addictions specialist?
• Why do you think you keep holding out hope he will change?
• How can you re-think your “hoping” for change?
• The nature of addictions is that even with treatment, many of them relapse time and time again. Are you prepared to ride out this bumpy road with this man?
Listen to “The Joan Jerkovich Show” this weekend for 5 Things To Consider Before Dating An Addict. Stephanie wants to know why she keeps DATING ADDICTS, and information you must listen to on RELAPSE! “Your Life Coach” brings you “Empowering Talk Radio”.
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