Joan Jerkovich - March 17, 2014 7:00 am
My boyfriend & baby’s daddy doesn’t see the emotional & mental abuse he was/is subject to from his parents, his dad mostly. He is now carrying that over into our child’s life. There was a lot of manipulation & control the 1st 3 years of our relationship, by his parents & him. It only gets physical when he is drinking or taking his prescription alprazolam (Xanax). I’m not sure what to do?
Just the fact that you’re questioning how this relationship is working for you is the first step toward opening your eyes to your reality. When you’re living with an abusive person, just as your boyfriend did growing up with abusive parents, sometimes just to survive you close your eyes to the reality of your situation. It’s called denial. You don’t see what’s really going on because it’s too painful, or you don’t want to have to deal with it, or you think it will change. Also, it makes sense that the parenting your boyfriend saw growing up is how he is now treating your child, especially if he doesn’t see it as abusive.
Have you talked to him about getting help? Have you thought about removing yourself and your child from this abusive situation? Abuse is a very difficult thing to pull yourself away from, especially when you’ve lived with it for so many years. I get that, and so do the wonderful people who work with domestic violence victims every day in their communities. Reach out to them and they will help you and support you. You’re in a tough situation, and while I’d like to tell you to “get out”, I know how difficult that decision can be. As a mother, even if you find “getting out” hard to do for yourself, do this for your child. Living with abuse affects and changes children for life. You know this, because you see it in your boyfriend. Both you and your child deserve to be safe and to live a better life.
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- What signs do you see that this abuse is affecting your child?
- Why are you staying in this abusive relationship?
- What hope do you have for ending the abuse?
- What would you have to lose if you sought the support of your local domestic violence organization?