When the first blush of romance hits, it’s like you’re walking through life with your feet floating above ground. You glide through your days and nights, barely noticing what’s happening around you. All you feel is your new love, and life is perfect!
Your friends see the change in you. They notice the doe-eyed, far-off look, or the giddy laughter when you talk about your new flame. Chances are, your besties will know that you’ve fallen in love before you do!
Ahhhhh! Falling is love is such a sweet thing. We all hope those moments of bliss will last forever. But, they will not.
While new love can turn into a steady-as-she-goes love that you can depend on, if your relationship has taken a turn from bliss to blistering, it’s time to work at winning your love back.
Is this a love you want back
First, determine what has happened in your relationship to disconnect you from each other.
Familiarity, inattention, busy careers, differing interests, and parenting responsibilities can chip away at your love. Those you can deal with. However, the really tough stuff of infidelity, abuse, addictions and lies can set your relationship on a course of self-destruction.
Whatever has caused your relationship to drift apart, before you can commit to bringing it back together, you need to make sure that’s what you want to, and need to do.
If the distance in your relationship has been brought on by hurtful destructive patterns, you need to take a serious look at whether or not this relationship is good for you. If your relationship is all shades of dysfunctional, beware. Instead of trying to rekindle your love, yours is the type of relationship that needs a massive overhaul, or maybe even a permanent disconnect, because love isn’t supposed to hurt.
If, on the other hand, you and your partner have just drifted apart, it’s never too late to spark the romance you first knew.
It takes two
Start by making sure that you and your partner both want to get your relationship back on track. You can’t make this happen on your own. You need to both commit to making your couple-hood a priority.
This means that both of you need to put each other ahead of the friends, work, hobbies, and the electronic devices. When it’s your time together, you need to focus on each other and shut out the other distractions, or hit the mute button. Give each other your undivided attention.
Avoid conflict for now
Set aside any disagreements for the moment. There will be another time to negotiate through conflict. This is your time to get to know each other once again. This is your time to reignite the spark of love.
Talk to each other. Take a walk down memory lane and reminisce about the fun you had when you first started dating. Talk about what first attracted you to each other. What was it that led you to fall in love?
Rebuild your emotional connection
Keep the communication rolling and talk about deeper issues, such as your hopes and dreams. Be an active listener with your partner. Be open and aware of what they’re telling you. Now is not the time to express an opinion or judge what you’re being told. Present a spirit of acceptance and love as you let your dearest tell you their deepest, darkest secrets. In this way you will re-build your emotional connection. This is the key to falling in love all over again.
When the two of you communicate on a deeper, heartfelt level, it creates a climate of vulnerability. If you can both enter in to these long talks, trusting that you can share your innermost selves, safe from criticism and ridicule, your hearts will open to love. The seeds of love are sown through feeling safe, while being vulnerable. So, hold your dear one’s heart, safely and gently next to yours, and watch it swell with love once again.
Create some new memories
While communication is key to a new heart connection, it is also important to create some new memories together. Get back to having fun together! Laugh together and make a point to spend carefree time doing the things you enjoy as a couple. Go on dates, just like you used to when you first met.
Build intimacy outside of the bedroom
Find reasons to touch each other again. Build physical intimacy outside the bedroom with kisses and hugs. Surprise your partner by touching them “the way you used to.” Go ahead and put your hand on their leg, or touch their arms and caress them. Nuzzle in to their chest or run your fingers through their hair. Don’t overthink it. When the spirit moves you, just reach out to them and engage them with non-sexual, physical affection.
The gifts that will win back your love
Bring new attitudes and ways of thinking to your relationship. Practice being an attentive, caring, and nonjudgmental listener. Show understanding. Give and get respect. Gift your partner with kindness and compassion. And, don’t take life too seriously.
Even though you may now feel that you’ve fallen out of love, don’t give up hope. There is a way to win your love back. And, if you take the steps to make that happen, your love can be deeper and more fulfilling than ever!
Listen to The Joan Jerkovich Show this Valentine’s weekend for how to “Rekindle Your Relationship” and to learn “What Is Your Mates Love Language.”
Click HERE to anonymously send Joan your question!