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Can Exes Have Non-Sexual Friendships?

Joan JerkovichOctober 6, 2014

Once you’ve had a sexual, intimate relationship with someone, can you just be friends?

Here are the answers I gleaned from the people I polled at the radio station and local coffee shop:

  • “Hell No”, male radio personality #1
  • “It would be difficult”, male radio personality #2
  • “Yes, that could work, depending on the personalities”, male radio personality #3
  • “Yes, of course”, female radio co-worker
  • “If a guy says yes, he’s only bullshitting you, or he might be part-gay”, jokingly stated in reference to male radio personality #3, by a male radio person who never lacks for an opinion!

Another female radio co-worker and I had this conversation:

Joan: Do you have non-sexual friendships with your exes?
Co-worker: Yes, I am friends with all my exes.
Joan: So, you don’t have sex?
Co-worker: No.
Joan: Would your exes have sex with you if, in a night of drunken abandon, you gave the OK?
Co-worker: For sure.
Joan: What percentage of your exes would “hit it” with you?
Co-worker: 100%

HA! Just as I thought!!

Heading in to the coffee shop downstairs from the radio station, I garnered more comments on the subject. There, I polled three men and one woman.

  • “Yes, I am friends with all my exes”, male hottie who later said he’d just gone through a difficult break-up. Maybe his comment doesn’t count?
  • “Yes, I even know a man who lived with and supported an ex and her seven kids. None of them his own as he was sterile. And while he was a sexual person, he never again had sex with his ex-wife after she first got pregnant by someone else”, retired gentleman who’s seen and heard it all.
  • “Sure they can. I’m friends with all my exes”, random dude who quickly left, probably wondering who this kooky woman was asking this question!

This was my conversation with the attractive young lady at the coffee shop:

Joan: Do you think men and women can be “just friends”, not “friends with benefits”, after having had a romantic, sexual relationship?
Cute Blonde: Yes, I’m friends with all my exes.
Joan: And you don’t have sex with them?
Cute Blonde: No
Joan: What if you gave the OK to have sex with them again? Would they go for it?
Cute Blonde: Absolutely!
Joan: So you, as the woman, have full control over whether or not you have sex with your exes.
Cute Blonde: Yes.
Joan: So, what percentage of your exes would have sex with you if you gave the OK?
Cute Blonde: All of them! 100%!!**

**Male hottie was all smiles to hear this one as he, I surmised, is one of her exes!  (Damn, this poll was fun!)

HA!! There it is folks. My mini-survey. How would you answer this question? Post your comments via Facebook at or anonymously at

And, if you want to hear my conversation with Vince about how his ex girlfriend got mad at him for wanting a “friends-only” relationship after their breakup, where his response was of the “Hell No!” variety, and if you want to hear my opinion on this, listen to my podcast, “Friends After Romance” and “Companionship Without Sex”.

Joan Jerkovich, BCC Board Certified Life Coach

Joan Jerkovich, BCC
Board Certified Life Coach

The Joan Jerkovich Show
News Radio 1150 KSAL
Saturdays @ 6:00 am CST
Podcast posts to Mondays

Click HERE to anonymously send Joan your question!


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