My girlfriend was born in to money and grew up with private schools and limousines. I grew up in the low-income housing projects and have not been cultured in the same way she has been. We broke up once but are back together. I’m really in to her and we get along great but I think her one problem with us, as a couple, is that she can’t handle my poor boy upbringing. She’s like one of those debutantes who are rich and snotty. I hold down a good job but am not rich by any means. Is there any hope for our relationship?
You sound like a man in love who may be headed toward unrequited love? Your girlfriend’s attitude makes me think of how women, especially, are socialized to want to marry a successful, wealthy man. There may be an even greater expectation for your girlfriend to marry a blueblood from a socially prominent wealthy family? Is that what her family expect from her? If so, you are fighting pressures that go beyond relationship compatibility. You are fighting family pressures.
The two of you are really going to need to get down to the nitty gritty and sort this one out before you can take your relationship to a more committed level. She is the one who is hesitant, so you my dear fellow are going to need to start the conversation rolling. It’s on your back to either find out if she can commit to a poor boy, or it’s on your back to call it quits and move on.
Think about it, if she can’t commit to you as a real boyfriend, what does she want you for? A sideline pool boy or gardener. You know, the hired help that aren’t good enough for a relationship, but they’re good enough for a romp in the rose garden?
What I’d be watching for in your conversations is her attitude toward people who weren’t raised like she was. I know of people who grew up with huge bank accounts only to dive in to a simplistic life of community service and social activism. What’s nice for them is that they can work those low paying jobs, and still live comfortably on their trust fund family money, while giving back to society.
I also know of the debutante types whose greatest accomplishment of the month is to acquire the latest Louis Vuitton designer handbag! Their closets are filled with “stuff” that may be masking their need to fill their lives with something of more substance, but hey, it’s still “stuff” from a name-brand designer! Does all of this sound shallow to you my dear fellow?
Is your girlfriend more like the rich girl who can get down and dirty and schlep the beans at the local soup kitchen; or does she always have to meet you at the upscale restaurant where a lunch of a lettuce leaf, drizzled with vinaigrette, will cost you $30 or more? Only you know if this debutante you fell in love with can hang with a guy from the projects.
This doesn’t mean she has to give up all of her rich girl ways, she just needs to feel comfortable with bringing you along for the ride in the limo…and proud to show you off as well! Besides, I’m sure you look GQ in that designer tux!
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- When are you going to step in to the messy conversation necessary to move this relationship forward?
- Does your debutante see you as a “man-mate” or “man-servant”, as in a man who’s just conveniently serving her needs?
- What does your gut tell you about having a long-term relationship with this debutante?
Listen to Mike talk about his debutante girlfriend on the Podcast: Debutante Dating Poor Guy-Friends with Benefits. It’s a great conversation on what to do when a relationship seems stuck!
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