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Feelings for Friend of Ex?

Joan JerkovichDecember 15, 2014

I just left my boyfriend of 5 years. He was verbally abusive and his drinking became a problem. He has a horrible temper.

Anyways, one of his friends is a sweet guy who was always looking out for me but I can’t tell if he likes me in a romantic way. I’m pretty sure I have feelings for him though. He hangs out with my ex a lot still.

The other night I even thought he tried calling me but when I answered he hung up. Something’s going on here. I’m really feeling like texting him to hang out. Should I take a chance with him?

Yes, my dear, and what are you waiting for? It sounds like you already have a friendship with him, so why couldn’t you just reach out as a friend?

Just this morning, as I write this blog, I was talking with two young men in my own family who talked about how their friendship turned in to love. One just got married, and the other engaged, to their girl-friend. Both had been just friends for about 5 years before their relationship took a romantic turn. These two young men were talking about how they really liked having a friendship first. They felt it made for a more solid relationship, and I agree.

While you obviously have stronger feelings for this friend, I suggest that you take the romantic part slow. I know I’m old-school, and I think you should reach out for friendship, but let him take the lead in the romance department.

By nature, men are hunters. Give him the hunt his gender is biologically geared toward. Don’t be so desperate for a relationship that you drive him away. Men enjoy the chase, the pursuit. While they may respond to “the bird in the bush” (no pun intended! lol), meaning, if you throw yourself at him he will most probably invite you in, but you can’t be sure of his intentions if you make it too easy for him. Make him work for a relationship with you. Again, I know my opinions on dating are old-school, but I stand by the time honored roles of men and women.

On the other hand, if you first develop a friendship, you may soon enough find yourself falling in love with each other. There’s no way of predicting which way this will go but Yes(!), you should take a chance with him because at the very least you may strengthen a friendship!

Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~
• What do you have to lose by texting him?
• How will you reconcile his continuing friendship with your Ex; do you think that will be a problem?
• How are you focusing on yourself versus focusing on getting too quickly back in to another relationship?

Joan Jerkovich, BCC Board Certified Life Coach

Joan Jerkovich, BCC
Board Certified Life Coach

The Joan Jerkovich Show
News Radio 1150 KSAL
Saturdays @ 6:00 am CST
Podcast posts to Mondays

Click HERE to anonymously send Joan your question!


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