My new boyfriend has a very friendly relationship with his ex wife and it bothers me. They get together for dinners out and talk on the phone often, but he assures me its nothing more. I believe him, but the time he devotes to their friendship still bothers me. There are no children so I feel like there’s no reason for them to keep in such close touch. I’ve been trying to be the understanding girlfriend but now that we’re getting more serious it’s starting to bother me more. Can I ask him to not see her because it bothers me? My ex cheated on me so I know I’m more sensitive to this possibility.
Yes, you can ask your boyfriend to not spend time with his ex, but let me know how that goes?!? It’s not that this can’t work for you, but you will want to preface your “asking” with some heartfelt conversation first. Talk to your boyfriend about how it makes you feel when he’s devoting time to his ex instead of you; and how its hard for you to trust because of your baggage of being cheated on; and how, damn-it, you just don’t like sharing him! Has he invited you along to his dinner dates with his ex? Have you met her? Has he told her about you? How serious is your relationship? Are you more serious than he is? Have you had “the (monogamy) talk”?
Here’s a good boyfriend test. If this really bothers you, go ahead and ask him to not see her…at least for a while until the two of you see where your relationship is headed. A guy who is really serious about you will want to do this for you. A good guy who will be sensitive and caring of your feelings will do this for you. A good guy you’ll want an exclusive relationship with will do this for you. What kind of guy won’t? A controlling, selfish, jerk. A bad boy will make light of your request and try to tell you it’s your problem, not his, and he will continue to see his ex regardless of your feelings. That, or, he could be a good guy (not a controlling, selfish, jerk) who’s just not that in to you and is still in love with his ex? You’ve got lots of options here but use this opportunity to see what kind of man your boyfriend is before you fall too hard. Give me a call…let’s talk!
Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~
- Are your eyes wide open in this relationship or are you only seeing your new boyfriend through needy or rose-colored glasses?
- What do you already know about your boyfriend that makes him good, or not so good, relationship material?
- How have you learned to trust again after being cheated on in your last relationship?
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Who is Joan? What is a Board Certified Life Coach? How do I call her show or send her a life coaching question? Find out @ Joan Jerkovich