I have a friend that always seems excited to make plans to go out but then at the last minute backs out of our plans with some lame excuse or doesn’t show up. She’s lots of fun but should I just give up on making plans with her?
If this friend has shown you often enough that she can’t be counted on, that her word and promises don’t have sticking power, then you don’t need to completely exclude her from your plans, but don’t hope for her to change her habits any time soon either.
I’ll repeat that…”don’t hope for her to change her habits any time soon”.
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Since you don’t expect her to change, and expect to get stood up again, consider making plans with her where other people are involved. This way it won’t really matter if she shows up or not.
If you don’t want to involve other friends and have plans for just the two of you to meet, expect that she may not follow through. With these get-togethers, plan to launch your Plan B. Your plan B could be lunch on your own, or browsing through a local museum, or treating yourself to something you normally wouldn’t.
You could also quit making plans with her and drop her off of your friends list. But, I’m guessing you’ve already relegated this friendship to your “C” or “D” lists, so you may not miss her company much after all.
Your other option is to confront her behavior to see if she’ll respect your friendship enough to quit standing you up. A word of warning here, even if she does a better job in the short-term, do not count on her behavior changing for the long haul.
Regardless, change your expectations. This will help you stop the frustration you feel over her behavior.
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• How much does this friendship mean to you?
• Do you think there is a possibility she will change if you confront her behavior?
• What other friendships could you spend time strengthening, instead of getting the run around from this one, undependable friend?
