My boyfriend has a long history of dating, and sleeping with, many women. I know that he cheated on his last girlfriend, but I cheated on my husband, so I have no room to judge. I don’t trust him. I know he sometimes texts old girlfriends, but I also know he’s been faithful to me. I’m afraid my distrust will drive him away.
…and you may be right…failure to find the “trust” you need in this relationship may drive the two of you apart. What you both have brought to your relationship is baggage, truckloads of it! You both have a history of cheating, so it is reasonable for either of you to mistrust. While I have been known to caution someone who’s thinking of entering into a relationship with a known cheater, as people are more apt to repeat past behavior, we do not live in a perfect world.
SEE the UPDATE on this relationship BELOW~
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If you are concerned about your mistrust driving him away (even though you do trust that he has been faithful) I’m guessing that he’s been warning you of this possibility…and if you want to keep your man you MUST pay heed! That’s not to say that you need to turn a blind eye to his connections with old girlfriends.
I suggest you approach this issue with open, honest conversation that is voiced in a matter-of-fact, taking-care-of-business way. Pay attention to your tone of voice. Take the accusing, whining, nagging out of these conversations…leave that for your gripe sessions with girlfriends.
We women are emotional creatures and too much emotion makes our men crazy. Save the crazy for the bedroom and you’ll have a win/win on your hands!
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- Could some of your mistrust be coming from within and the fact that you don’t trust yourself in this relationship
- What steps do you need to take to change the way you relate to your boyfriend regarding this particular issue?
- What do you get from this relationship that motivates you to do the hard work of learning to trust and change?
UPDATE: Sometimes I know who the persons are posing the questions, and sad to say, cheating did end this relationship after all… As they say, “cheaters will be cheaters”…