My husband has some questionable friends and family members he hangs out with. Certain people have been known to not be faithful to their wives or significant others, not to mention they are not known to have been law abiding citizens.
My husband is a respectable, kind, law abiding, trustworthy person. I trust him 100% but when he is with these certain characters I constantly worry if they are going to talk him into things he normally wouldn’t do. I also worry that he will be with them when they are acting like fools.
I have spoken to my husband about these worries and he tells me that he is not a child and he can hold his own and can take care of himself. I obviously can’t tell him to not hang out with these people because some are family and he isn’t my child, so how do I alleviate my worries when he is out?
My take on your question falls right in line with your worries. I would worry too. What is your husband doing hanging out with criminals? Adulterers and cheaters I take a softer stance with, even though lying in relationships causes lasting damage, and I’m sure you don’t want that in your marriage.
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We’ve all heard the saying “birds of a feather flock together”. There is something to be said for whom you choose to hang out with. Heavy drinkers like to hang with heavy drinkers. Druggies have druggie friends. Thieves run with their band of thieves. Deadbeats find other deadbeats to spend their days lying around with. Liars and cheats run business scams together (or dare I say, go in to politics? lol). And adulterers, who are each cheating on their spouse or significant other, find each other.
We all like the comfort of being with people who think and act like us. It helps us feel validated in what we are doing and who we are, even if what we are doing is less than honorable.
My thought would be, where do you most worry about your husband hanging out with these less-than-honorable characters? Is he going out to the bars with them, or is he meeting them for coffee after church? There’s a big difference between the two and if he’s spending time drinking at the club then…I’d be worried too!
A 100% trustworthy husband would be sensitive to your concerns, and limit his time with these nefarious family and friends to family reunions and community events where you are most likely also in attendance. If it’s the bar scene he’s frequenting, I would question that he likes living on the wild side and on some level enjoys brushing up against risky behavior, even if he himself has not tipped over in to it…just yet…
Your husband also needs to realize that hanging out with criminals can also, at the very least, damage his reputation in the community. Again, birds of a feather flock together.
No, you can’t control him and he is not your child, but he is your husband and you have every right to continue to express your concerns and speak openly and honestly with him on this issue.
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• What do you need from your husband and how have you clearly communicated that to him?
• What could your husband do to help calm your anxiety?
• What boundaries or limits can he set on when and where he spends time with these people?
• How is he being sensitive to your concerns over this issue? How is he not?