I’ve been dating a guy for about 2 months now, but my best friend hates him. I think he’s cute and funny. He was interested in her at first but she told him “no”. She warned me to stay away from him because of his past. He’s been through rehab recently but keeps telling me that he’s changed.
The only bad thing about him is that sometimes he can have a bit of a temper, so I’ve learned some of the things that make him angry and don’t do those things.
Yesterday my friend and I got into a bad argument. She said that I’m putting up with too much of his anger and not standing up for myself. “He can just be sensitive since being in rehab and he promises he will never hurt me”, I told her.
Since our argument my friend has been checking up on me every day, like I’m a little kid. How can I tell her to let me handle my relationship on my own and still stay friends with her?
Do you think your friend might be trying to help you and keep you safe from a potentially abusive man?
When I have had a friend say or do something that bothered me, I always try to look at their intent, or rationale, for getting in my business. If I know their heart is in the right place, and that they aren’t coming from a place of meanness or cattiness, I can’t hold their actions against them. We all say and do things that upset others at times. Consider this when you feel upset with your friend for trying to warn you about this man.
I side with your friend in trying to warn you that this man who’s so “cute and funny” could be trouble. “Cute and funny” only goes so far when he has a “bit of a temper” that has prompted you to change how you act in your relationship. To say that to keep him from getting angry you have learned how to get around his anger and “don’t do those things” is concerning.
When you’re in an abusive relationship, just living with an angry, rageaholic (a person prone to extreme anger with little or not provocation) will leave you walking on eggshells. Is that how you want to live?
Also, consider this; a good man who is not prone to dangerous anger would NEVER need to promise you that he will not hurt you…
You can tell your friend that you’d like her to keep her opinions about your relationship with this man to herself. She may or she may not. Whether she does or not, however, consider keeping her close, as you may be needing her shoulder to cry on when this relationship goes from good to bad…
…And I’m sorry to tell you, I think you’ve hooked up with a man who needs to get his anger issues under control in order to be the kind of boyfriend you deserve!
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• Has your boyfriend ever, in anger, thrown anything, punched a hole in a wall or been destructive?
• Has your boyfriend ever, in anger, hit a girl?
• Does your boyfriend verbally belittle, criticize or demean you?
• If you have answered “yes” to any of these questions, do you realize that you’re in a relationship with an abuser?
• Why do you feel it’s your job to change who you are and how you react, just so he doesn’t get angry?
Does an abusive man pick his victims? Can he spot a woman who will “put up with” his abuse? What are the signs you’re in a VERBALLY ABUSIVE relationship? DOMESTIC VIOLENCE is the topic of conversation for “The Joan Jerkovich Show” this weekend. Listen to 1150 KSAL Saturday at 6am and Sunday at 9pm as “Your Life Coach” brings you “Empowering Talk Radio”.
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