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Couples Commit to Children But Not Marriage?

Joan JerkovichApril 28, 2014

I find it puzzling that couples today think it’s less of a commitment to have a child together, than to get married. They don’t hesitate to commit to having a child together. They hesitate to get married. That doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe this is more of a comment than a question. Thanks for letting me voice my opinion on this.

Thumbs up commenter, I’m giving you a “like”! I know that I’m old school, but this social trend of couples opting to have children outside of the commitment of marriage, doesn’t make sense to me either. That said, do I accept this as a fact of life in today’s society? Yes. Let’s talk some more about this…

Think back to the stories of yesteryear where couples rushed to the altar upon finding out that they were pregnant. They were hoping to squeeze in a wedding, in the white wedding dress, before the pregnancy showed. Then, when the baby was born, oh so soon after the wedding, everyone was counting on their fingers to nine…oops!…eight months!! No, the baby wasn’t a preemie. Yep, it was a “shotgun wedding”, as they used to call it. (That’s one I haven’t heard in a while and certainly shows my age!)

What I think has changed with our society today, is that young people have witnessed so much divorce that they fear divorce more than they fear the responsibilities of parenthood? Or, they see marriage and having children as two separate life events? They don’t see them as connected like people used to years ago, with the notion that first comes marriage, then the baby carriage.

Or, it’s the changes to the way children are conceived and born today, such as with sperm banks, turkey basters and surrogates or gestational carriers? See, even all the language surrounding conception has changed.

Then, there are the single mothers who choose to keep their children, instead of running off to a nunnery or distant relatives home to give birth in secret, only to return home (sans baby) after a long…vacation??

Whatever the reasons couples use for parenting a child outside of marriage, I know this makes my mother roll over in her grave…oh wait…she’s not even dead yet, but I know she hates these new rules of society, as do many others, old-timers and young-timers both, who have witnessed these “immoral” changes. How dare you snub your nose at the rules of my religion and have a baby out of wedlock?

That said, moving to the opposite extreme, there are those who believe it is immoral to kiss before marriage. Their first kiss is on their wedding day. To all of this I say, “to each his own”.

Toss in your opinions and comments. It gets lonely out here when I’m the only one weighing in on issues, and we all know that Joan doesn’t have all the answers! Are you sick of hearing me say, we learn from each other? Post your respectful comments anonymously at

Joan Jerkovich, BCC Board Certified Life Coach

Joan Jerkovich, BCC
Board Certified Life Coach

The Joan Jerkovich Show
News Radio 1150 KSAL
Saturdays @ 6:00 am CST
Podcast posts to Mondays

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