Your first date was amazing, until you hear they just got out of a long-term relationship and you’re their first. Their first date, that is, after their breakup.
The red caution flag will go up if you don’t want to be the rebound relationship that distracts them while they take time getting over their lost love. You don’t want to have your heart broken by someone who isn’t ready to commit to another serious relationship so soon after a breakup.
While not all rebound relationships are doomed to fail. There is reason to proceed with caution when entering into a rebound relationship…especially if they are not over their Ex.
Look for these 8 signs that this rebounder may not be ready for new love.
1. They just broke up 2 weeks…or 2 days ago.
Falling in love takes time. Falling out of love also takes time. The person who speeds this process along is only fooling him or herself and taking you along for a bumpy ride.
2. They have a pattern of going from one relationship to the next, with no breaks in between.
I call this the “George Clooney factor”. Yes, he’s married now, but we all remember the string of monogamous relationships he had for years…one right after the other with hardly a break in between.
If your new relationship is with a George Clooney type, I say roll the dice and hope you’re the lucky one who gets the ring and the “Big C”, commitment.
But, if he or she is a regular Joe or Jane Schmo, not quite Clooney caliber, let them use someone else for their rebound back in to dating.
3. The “Are we in an exclusive relationship?” talk comes up too soon.
If your new relationship goes from one or two dates straight to the “Are we exclusive?” talk, things are moving too fast. This is too fast even if this isn’t a rebound relationship. Too fast can point to desperation, or even worse, a controlling personality. Beware.
4. The recently departed Ex is either too saintly or too devilish.
Extremes of emotion toward the Ex are signs that they’re still heavily emotionally invested in the past relationship. The primary emotion to look for that lets you know that they are no longer in love with their Ex is indifference.
Intense anger or bitterness, or conversely feeling all lovey-dovey and missing their Ex, are signs they haven’t emotionally moved on. Expect to see shades of gray with all these emotions, but look for the predominate sentiment to be one of “I don’t give a shit what they’re doing anymore”. Look for indifference.
5. All the Ex’s crap is still in their apartment.
If you walk in and see the Ex’s picture still sitting out, prominently displayed on the bedside nightstand, they’re still in the picture. Likewise, if you find the Ex’s clothes, toothbrushes and toiletries in their apartment, it’s a sure bet the Ex is still in their life.
6. They’re still Facebook friends.
When the relationship is over the relationship status needs to change, and the Ex needs to be dropped (temporarily at least) as a Facebook friend. This also holds true for texting, snap chatting, or otherwise staying connected with the Ex. It’s not that Exes can’t (eventually) be “just friends”, but, if you’re the new person in the picture, you need reassurances that the old relationship is over.
7. Sex, sex, and more sex. Why have a conversation when you can have sex?
If your relationship is more about sex and less about getting to know each other on a deeper, more emotional level, you’re probably just the easy, convenient-sex, rebound person in this new relationship.
A real relationship requires both parties to open up to their deeper emotions and show vulnerability. And, the vulnerable feeling I’m talking about here isn’t about being seen naked by someone new…
8. Their friends are giving you the shifty-eye, what’s up look?
If, when you meet their friends, you can feel the tension and sense their discomfort, take that as a sign. Friends know the history of the past relationship, and know the relationship patterns their friend defaults to. They know if their friend is a serial relationship guy or gal who is more prone to rebound relationships.
If the friends are giving you the shifty-eye, open your eyes and focus on what you see is going on. Now is NOT the time to grab the rose-colored glasses. Instead, grab the magnifying glass and look deeper. Save yourself the heartache of being the relationship rebound throwaway.
The BEST show on dating is coming to you this weekend on “The Joan Jerkovich Show”. A female cougar that dates much younger, but also much older men, tells us about their different dating expectations. Listen Saturdays at 6am and Sundays at 9pm as “Your Life Coach” brings you “Empowering Talk Radio”.
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