Waiting 7 Years for Him to Change?
Joan Jerkovich - May 14, 2014 1:20 pm
My boyfriend and I have been on and off for 7 years and while we love each other, I’m afraid to commit to him because of his addictive behaviors. He’s a drinker and gambler and big spender. His family history is that his Father died of an overdose and his Mother is an alcoholic.
I keep hanging on to this relationship thinking he will change, but it’s starting to wear me down mentally and physically. Why do I keep hanging on hoping for change?
My dearie, dearie, dear…let’s talk! From one who’s been there done that, I have a lot to say to you, and hopefully you will listen to me because it will save you tons of grief!
While I’m writing this blog after a busy day, and would be happy to make it short and sweet with a profound message that simply says (or shall I say SHOUTS!) Get Out! Dump him!! I will lend some thoughts on what may be going on here.
Let’s start by calling your relationship “ambivalent”. There is the good mixed with the bad; it’s a love/hate sort of affair; you want in one day and out the next.
I’m sure your boyfriend is charming and would be the perfect guy IF he didn’t have those nasty little habits, but girlfriend, those nasty habits he has aren’t forgetting to put the lid on the toothpaste or the toilet seat down? Right?
He has those addictive behaviors that concern you, and rightly so. A saying that I wish were mine because I think its genius and Oh, So, True, is coined from Dr. Phil, “The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior”. Even if your man has his addictions, does he recognize them, and more importantly, is he taking steps to address them? Watch closely for those hallmarks of change to see if this relationship is worth holding on to.
I have great compassion for those who struggle with addictions. It’s sad that they have a lifelong journey of bumps and pitfalls in the road, but you, my dear, have the choice to ride along through the mud and muck in the off-road vehicle, or not.
Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~
- Does your boyfriend recognize and acknowledge his addictions?
- Is he ready to go to AA or seek the help of an addictions specialist?
- The nature of addictions is that even with treatment, many of them relapse time and time again. Are you prepared to ride out this bumpy road with this man?
Listen to my Life Coaching call with Kerry regarding her “Boyfriends Addictions”, as she explores why she keeps hoping for change and decides whether or not she will keep hanging on.
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