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Trust After Foster Care?

Joan Jerkovich - July 8, 2014 8:54 am

I grew up in foster care. I never had a permanent family for more than two years. People were always in and out of my life. I almost gave up on getting too emotionally involved with anyone. How do I learn to trust that people will be there for me when no one ever stuck around?

When your trust in others has been as stripped down as you share in your story, you have to take yourself to the root of all trust, which is trust in yourself. Trust that you can emotionally handle this ebb and flow of people in your life. Trust that there will be times of stable relationships and times of turmoil, these too you can emotionally deal with.

Build on the small successes you have had in life. Was there a time when you made a decision you were proud of? How did trusting yourself to take those first steps turn out well for you? Did you find that trusting your instincts pointed you in the right direction?

None of us ever make the best decisions all of the time, but we do make the best decisions for every moment. Tell yourself that you made the best decision you could, at that moment in time, given all the information you had to work with.

Learn to first strengthen the trust you have within, the trust you have in yourself, and then you will be able to more comfortably get emotionally involved with others. Yes, getting emotionally involved is scary business when you’ve not had people stand by your side. And, there are no guarantees in life that if, and when, you open yourself up to trust someone that they won’t let you down. Many will, but you will find most people to be there for you if you first vet* them carefully.

Be more judicious about who you open yourself up to. Choose to befriend and align with people who have proven themselves to be trustworthy and dependable and you will lessen your chances of being hurt. Scrutinize people for their personal integrity** before you befriend them, work with them, or most certainly fall in love with them. It’s the people with integrity that will stick around and be there for you through thick and thin.

Make a promise to yourself here and now to leave the dramatic, exciting, “bad-boy”, “bad-girl” types who lack integrity behind. They usually only spell trouble and you know I’m right on this one!

Trust too that you can effectively deal with the rewards, or consequences, that come with the decisions you make and you are on your path to building and growing as a person. Make rebuilding trust a conscious goal. You can regain trust. Believe that and you have already succeeded!

Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~
• Recall a time when you made a decision you were proud of.
• Review in your mind the steps you took toward making that decision.
• What comes to mind when you look within yourself regarding trust?
• How do you vet people in your life, looking for integrity?

*Vet: to investigate (someone) thoroughly, especially in order to ensure that they are suitable for a job requiring secrecy, loyalty or trustworthiness. Synonyms: check, examine, scrutinize, investigate, inspect, look over, screen assess, evaluate, appraise.

**Integrity: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. Synonyms: honesty, probity, rectitude, honor, good character, principle(s), ethics, morals, righteousness, morality, virtue, decency, fairness, scrupulousness, sincerity truthfulness, trustworthiness.

Joan Jerkovich, BCC Board Certified Life Coach

Joan Jerkovich, BCC
Board Certified Life Coach

 
The Joan Jerkovich Show
News Radio 1150 KSAL
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