When I read about people who are going through difficult times, I sometimes send money to help them out. My problem is that my husband doesn’t think this is necessary.
When I tell him about my donations, he gets so angry just talking about it that I’m not sure if I should just forget donating.
I’ve always been the one who wants to help others, but he’s just not that way. What should I do?
I say shame on his selfish, self-centered attitude! While that is my gut response to your question (I know it sounds harsh), I understand that you may not be able to take this stance and keep the peace in your marriage.
Marriage is a partnership, and both you and your husband deserve the right to spend a portion of the family money on the things and causes that are important to each of you.
Does your husband spend money on things just for himself? Does he spend money on things you don’t agree with?
What seems to work best for couples is if each person has a set amount of money, that comes out of the monthly budget, that they can spend without their spouse’s approval. If you could negotiate this strategy for spending, then you could donate from your monthly discretionary income.
I hope that you can successfully negotiate having some of your own spending money otherwise, to be honest, I have concerns about the health and mutuality of your relationship.
Thank you for your generous spirit. The world needs more people like you!
Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~
• In what way might your husband be open to negotiating you having your own money to spend in any way that you like?
• Where do you and your husband agree with how the family money is to be spent? Where do you disagree?
• What small compromise can you both agree on that gives each of you freedom to spend money as you like?
• Is there something extra you could do to earn the money (so that it doesn’t come out of the family budget) to donate from?
• Is there mutuality in your relationship or are there issues of anger and control? If so, call me!
Do you fight over money in your marriage or relationship? Listen to “The Joan Jerkovich Show” this weekend to hear what the common money issues are and ways to resolve them. Vanessa is upset over how her husband controls the money – and what HE wants HER TO BUY FOR HIM out of HER paycheck!
Joan Jerkovich, BCC
Board Certified Life Coach
