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First Christmas After Losing Mother?

Joan Jerkovich - December 24, 2013 8:14 am

My mother passed four months ago. She was 86 and lived with me her last few years. Her passing was sudden and we’d been going out to events and shopping just weeks before she died. She was my best friend. I’m having a hard time. I cry easily. We had our little Christmas traditions, just the two of us, and I feel lost without her here to celebrate with. I’m just going through the motions of Christmas and sometimes feel embarrassed at how easily I cry in front of people. I’m just so sad.

Your story makes me sad for you. All of us reading about your loss can hold you in our arms (metaphorically speaking) and let you cry for your loss. You deserve to be held close by all of us and those family and friends who love you. Feelings of loss are magnified during the holidays for the very reason you wrote of, the traditions you held dear are also lost. While I trust that you will soon enough carve out new traditions, it is enough that this first year you just go through the motions. You will deal with the loss of your mother in your own way. Let your grief express itself in whatever way it chooses. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is only your way, and it will be as unique and wonderful as your relationship with your mother. What will be will be, and you should never, ever, feel embarrassed for crying in front of others. It’s normal and natural to grieve.

I’m sure you’re crying as you read this. We are all here holding you in love as you do…

Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~
• What is your special way of grieving and feeling connected to your mother?
• What self-talk can you use to tell yourself that your grieving is normal and natural and will unfold in its own unique way?
• How will you allow others to support you in your grief?

Joan Jerkovich, BCC Joan Jerkovich, BCC
The Joan Jerkovich Show
News Radio 1150 KSAL
Saturdays @ 6:05 & 7:05 am CST
Podcast posts to KSAL.com Mondays


Who is Joan? What is a Board Certified Life Coach? How do I call her show or send her a life coaching question? Find out @ Joan Jerkovich


Renee Hardesty

December 27, 2013 at 7:18 am

There are multiple stages in losing your mother…particularly when you lose her during a holiday season. This is our third year & it has been FAR different than the previous two years.

The first year, you just cry a lot & keep your family close to your side because it’s all you have & all you can do to keep from exploding. Almost LITERALLY.

The second year, you try to hold onto tradition & do things the way she would want you to. You think you have it figured out & yoou feel really good about what you think she’s watched you pull off for your family. You rest well.

The third year, you realize you have NOTHIHNG figured out, you’re tired of faking it, nothing makes sense, you want to sleep through it all & you need a giant soul awakening to revive your broken heart. It sucks. It’s not fun. It hurts. You treat people pretty crappy in the process & you wish you didn’t feel like you do.

That’s the brutal truth. But….it DOES get easier, better & you come out completely understanding of what truly matters in the end.

Joan Jerkovich

December 29, 2013 at 7:09 pm

@Renee, Thank you for your beautifully written comment that is sure to have helped so many~we learn from each other~and when you’ve personally gone through this you have an insight I don’t have. Thank you for sharing…

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