Can’t Find A Girlfriend?
Joan Jerkovich - December 17, 2014 4:18 pm
However much I try I just cannot find a girlfriend. I usually manage to get dates but none of the women ever seem much interested afterward. They just tell me that I’m a nice guy but they just don’t feel “that” way about me.
I’ve taken dates to romantic dinners with limousine chaperones. I’ve had picnics on the beach with everything perfectly planned like champagne and caviar. I even took one date for a weekend getaway to New York.
After the first couple dates I just don’t hear anything back. I’m constantly checking my Internet dating profile and working it like I would a part time job. I’m trying so hard! I think I’m a decent looking well-groomed guy. What am I doing wrong?
It sounds like you need a dating coach who can watch how you act on dates, and one who can also interview the girls you’ve been out with to see what may be going awry. There may be things you can work to change, or you may not have met your match just yet.
Finding a girlfriend is often a numbers game and you are certainly putting yourself out there with dating when, as you say, you work the Internet dating like a part time job. Without more information coming from you, the only red flag I read in to your question is that you may be trying too hard?
When you talk about only having a couple of dates before they lose interest, yet you pull out all the stops with limousines and caviar and get-aways to New York, I would suggest you scale back those first dates to coffee or a quick drink after work. Take it slower.
See if there’s a connection before you plan the showy, extravagant date. Too much too soon could be making you seem desperate, or it could also make a girl feel like you’re trying to “buy” a relationship, such as, I spent a lot of money on this date so now “you owe me” a second date or sex. It all smells of desperation.
Think back on what you feel went wrong with your first dates. Do you think you talked about yourself too much? Were you too nervous? Did you try and get to know the girl? Or did you spend more time spouting off what a great guy you are?
The best advice for getting and keeping a girl interested is to start out getting to know her. Listen more than talk. I’m going to repeat that: Listen more than talk!
Ask her questions about her job, her hobbies, likes and dislikes. Stay away from hot button topics on those first dates; topics such as past relationships, politics and religion. Those can come later if a relationship develops.
Get your guy friends to help you out. Maybe they could go on a double date with you to see how you act on dates. Let them advise you. Take their advice to heart and don’t get mad at them if they tell you things you don’t want to hear.
You want to put your best foot forward on dates and I’d bet your guy friends could give you some pointers. They can cue you if you talk about yourself too much, are too egotistical, or self-centered, or drink too much.
Some of the suggestions you hear may make for a quick fix, but others may take some introspection and effort on your part to change. For example, if you’re too self-centered you’ll have to work harder to change that than you would dressing differently for a date.
Keep changing your game and eventually you will win at the game of love.
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• Why do you think you may be having difficulty getting beyond the second date with so many women?
• What does your “gut intuition” tell you is going wrong?
• How open are you to changing things about yourself that may make you a better prospect for dating?
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