1. He talks glowingly about her When he talks about her, you see his eyes glaze over with the look that you thought was reserved just for you. It’s the look your man gave you when you first met and fell in love. If you see that starry look in his eyes when he talks about her, danger may be lurking. 2. He runs to her with his problems You’re his girlfriend, and you expect to be his number one support person, yet, you find him calling her when issues arise. If he turns to her for emotional support, when he should be leaning on you, continue to watch for other disturbing clues. 3. He looks for opportunities to hang out with her…alone…without you If there’s always something that the two of them have to do together, alone, keep a watchful eye on their behavior. The reasons they may give you for their alone time could be to say that this is their friend thing, or that they’ve always done this together, and you can join them next time. There may be a next time, or there may not, but don’t be blindsided by a dramatic turn in your relationship where you find yourself alone…again and again. 4. You find her stuff in his apartment This is where your boyfriend tells you that he’s storing her things at his place because she ran out of storage space at her apartment. He may be just helping a friend out, but, beware if he’s helping “store” her pink toothbrush in his bathroom! 5. He’s there for her when she needs a man’s helping hand Guess who runs to her aid when her car breaks down, or her plumbing needs fixed? Your boyfriend. He’s her go-to-guy when she needs help with her “honey-do” list. If your man is Johnny-on-the-spot with her requests, while your drippy faucet keeps on dripping, refer her to your local plumber and see if she takes the hint. 6. He takes her calls when he’s with you Even worse, he walks away from you so that he can talk with her in private. If he doesn’t want you to listen in on their conversation, this is a serious danger sign that she’s more than “just a friend”! 7. He acts jealous when she has a date In his eyes, no other guy is good enough for his “girl” friend, and you get to listen to his criticism of the guys she goes out with. You may feel puzzled by his over zealous critique of her suitors, and wonder why he’s so picky about who she dates, if they’re “just friends”? 8. They seem to have secret stories between them When you’re all hanging out together, and the two of them seem to share a private joke that you know nothing about, that’s a danger sign…especially if they don’t want to cue you in on the joke, so that you can laugh with them. Their private stories could indicate a private, secret, relationship that doesn’t include you. 9. You catch him in half-truths about her Your boyfriend knows that you don’t like him hanging out with his female “friend” so he “forgets” to tell you they went to the movies together, or were hanging out alone at her apartment. Anything short of complete honesty and transparency where this “friend” is concerned, could signal a relationship that is moving out of the friend zone. Don’t sit on the sidelines and watch their relationship turn in to something more, while you are being left behind. If you see any of these signs, they may be completely innocent…or they may be dangerous clues that your boyfriend is developing deeper feelings for this friend. If you’re going to stay in this relationship, you need to set your boundaries. Spell out what YOU feel is appropriate behavior where their friendship is concerned. If your boyfriend chooses to disregard your feelings and the boundaries you set, then you will need to consider if these danger signs are worth endangering your heart for. He’s dating 4 women. He says he’s in love with them all and unwilling to give any one of them up. Is he having sex with all these women? Do they know about each other? Listen to “The Joan Jerkovich Show” this weekend for answers to those questions and to hear his rationale for why he thinks it’s OK to date 4 different women at the same time!
Joan Jerkovich, BCCBoard Certified Life Coach[/caption]
